Am I good Enough?
Hi everyone and welcome to my place!
[Arthifis from the future here: I just want to add two things. First that I’m feeling a little better today versus when I wrote this. Second, this post is the one that I’m feeling more difficult to just not delete everything and don’t post it at all (I wrote this yesterday and I scheduled to go out today). However, I’m only human after all and I think it’s important to share when I’m feeling down and more vulnerable. I think that if at least one person ends up relating to me and make you feel better it’s worth it. So, yeah that’s what Arthifis from today wants to say.]
Today I’m going to address something that has been in my head in the past few days/weeks… The thought of “I’m not good enough!” is popping up more times than it should and well… I decided to write a little about it. I mean, isn’t what’s blogging for? I hope that more than helping myself while writing this I can reach you and motivate you on your daily life because I know that this kind of thinking is general and everyone already thought this 4 little words that create a huge impact in ourselves at least once in their lives.
To be honest I was going to write this yesterday night, I wrote the title and then I just stared to the editor without knowing what to discuss or how to even discuss it, so as anyone would do, I just went to Youtube and start procrastinating. I found an interview with Oprah as the interviewed for the Stanford Graduate School of Business and basically she said everything I was needing to hear at that moment. I don’t believe 100% in destiny, but for that video appearing in my Youtube recommended videos at that moment… Let’s say it was a great coincidence.
But, ok! Let me first explain you what is this about feeling that I’m not good enough. I’ve been honest and open to you all when it comes to make a living through blogging/youtube/twitch (although blogging is the only one I’m working right now). So, probably I have this feeling of wanting of succeed higher than people who are doing this just for the funs as a hobby! I know that it will take a while until I’m going to be able to do some kind of money with blogging… But, more than time it’s those kind of jobs that I feel there is no middle ground (I may be wrong). I feel that or you are great on this and you end up with a lot of followers and people who really are willing to give you money for your work and make tons of it or you are average and will not be able to make enough to even pay your rent. Maybe I’m wrong and I DO hope that I’m wrong! Nevertheless, because of this way of thinking I just feel pressured to continue creating content, getting those likes, those comments, those followers… And you know what happens when that kind of things do not happen? I think to myself “I’m not good enough!”.
Well… I think if I didn’t dwell into Youtube yesterday this would basically be my post, however I did go watch Oprah’s interview and I learnt something there. You can see the full interview here.
The interview started with Oprah talking about the beginning of her career in television. You know, even Oprah had to start somewhere! I didn’t know about this, but she started as a news reporter and although she was making good money with it she didn’t feel that she was doing what she was supposed to do, or at least what she felt she would like to do with her life. She ended up being demoted (because she was under contract and her bosses didn’t want to pay the money to fire her) and that’s when she started talk. Basically she ended up in a talk show interviewing an ice cream man and his ice cream’s multi flavours and in that day she understood that’s what she wanted to do, that’s why she was born. She continues explaining that she learnt to hear herself more and to think what it is true to her not others and go with her guts. That’s why she ended up in Chicago even though most people said to her she would fail (which of course she didn’t). In the end every step she made was all around the same thing, what did she wanted to give to the World, which in her case it was (and is) bring awareness to the people.
Now, it’s an hour interview so of course she talked about different subjects, such as everyone is looking for any kind of validation with the explanation that from the murderer to Beyoncé to all people she interviewed, all of them would ask her “How was that? Did I do ok?”. Highly recommend you to watch it since I really felt inspired by it.
At the end of it she addresses the thing that I’ve been telling myself. She says “Don’t think that you are not good enough! That’s why people ask “How was that?”, because people need to know how to measure up.” Well, she defends that if you are here, then you are already a miracle doesn’t really matters how that sperm hit that egg, being here, being alive is a miracle. The last sharing of her is that we are all here for a reason, we all have a a way to express ourselves to the fullest and it’s our job to understand it, to hear ourselves and to work our life around it so we can get it there.
When I heard this last phrase automatically my reason pop up… I think that I knew this for a lot of time, but I always end up putting it aside because how difficult it is to make money out of it, my reason to be here and when I am really the happiest and feel that I’m expressing myself in the fullest is by entertaining people. Making something that makes the other person feel good and enjoy what I just put out there just makes me the happiest. People always tell me “Yeah, but that does not make any money! Maybe you can do it as a hobby!”, well they are not wrong you know, especially here in Portugal it’s hard to make a living out of any kind of entertainment, but I know in my guts that there won’t be any other job where I will always give my 100% and never have the feeling of just wanting to take the day off.
How is that realization going to change my life? Well, first I’m going to stop giving a F about the views, likes, comments, followers… That’s good and all, but that is NOT the objective (I couldn’t care less of being famous, in fact I would prefer to make money from entertainment and do not become famous) and here I’m also talking about my work (I am a digital marketer) where the pressure to get those numbers are even higher.
Moreover, I’ve been writing reviews in this blog almost from the start and I found some kind of structure where I start with the story, then characters, then animation/audio, you know… Because that’s how you are supposed to write a review… Well, I’m going to start changing it, or at least try! At this moment everything I will do being in this blog or at work I will think to myself first, how can I entertain the people who will read/watch this? The Hunger Games series that started yesterday is one example! I’m not going to say that I will stop writing reviews, because I won’t, but I’m going to try to make them more my own and express my personality through them than what I’ve been doing until now.
I don’t know if this makes any kind of sense to you or even if you do find this the minimum of inspiring, I know well that I’m not as good with words as Oprah or many other people for that matter, but it’s me being honest and it’s me telling to myself “It’s time to put my priorities straight!”. Yes, I want to make a living of a job that I feel that I am entertaining to those around me and I will work my hardest to do so! I don’t know if it will be trough this blog or any kind of other outlet, but I’m excited to find out!
And you? Do you know what is the thing that is the full expression of yourself?