Horrible Anime Quest | How To Make Vampire Holmes Bearable to Watch

Horrible Anime Quest | How To Make Vampire Holmes Bearable to Watch

Hello everyone and welcome to our place!

Today is Tuesday and that means we will be talking about Anime today! Moreover, it’s a special Anime, one of the worst Animes I’ve ever watched. Remember when I said Dynamic Chord was the worst Anime I’ve ever watch? Scratch that! This one takes the lead… for now!

– Small Review –

I’ll try Vampire Holmes, I’ll try…

First things first, let me give you some information about Vampire Holmes. This Anime has 12 episodes, with 3 minutes each. The setting is about a guy called Holmes and his assistant Hudson. While Hudson tries to make Holmes do any kind of work during the episodes, Holmes always prefer to stay aloof and don’t do anything. It belongs to the studio “Studio! Cucuri” and it was based in a mobile game.

I think they tried to go for comedy in here… The problem is, no episode is funny whatsoever. In fact, most of the times, I can’t even see a punchline whatsoever, which we all know, for an episode of 3 minutes containing any kind of joke it needs to have a punchline of some kind.

Even the characters know that!

Most of the episodes are completely random (which is not necessarily a bad thing). However, there are episodes that the story is just basically a normal conversation between Hudson and Holmes which isn’t funny, neither interesting.

Nevertheless, I liked two episodes out of it. One that is when Kira, the cat, appears and he has a funny conversation with Holmes where the last implies that Kira had a romantic affair while being out. Additionally, I also liked the last one where they connected all the dots and made a nice final episode combining most of the things we watched. It was not funny, but at least it was interesting.

If the leading to this was somewhat interesting I would at least smiled! I mean, this is so cute!

Voice acting is good and, although simple, the animation isn’t bad either. They even used more silly animations for the fun factor. You all know that I love these. However, they were not enough to make me even crack a smile.

Oh and let’s not forget that there is no kind of reference that Holmes is in fact a vampire! He could just be a night owl from what I’ve watched.

In conclusion, Vampire Holmes is bad. The worst Anime I’ve ever seen and I’m glad that it’s only 3 minutes for episode. It would be hard for me to watch it if it was 20 minutes an episode.

– Vampire Holmes Improvement –


Thinking hard in the criteria

As with Dynamic Chord, I’m going to have some criteria to try improving the show. In this case, I can’t pass the 3 minutes for episode and continue with the comedic vibe.

In fact, I think this kind of Anime would be better passing in Japan while in a commercial break. (Probably that was the idea from the start?). Think with me, really small bit with a strong punchline, making people laugh and wanting to buy the mobile phone game. It makes sense, right?


– Take out the outro –

Yeah…. That’s basically what you get in the outro for 30 seconds

Now, you only have 3 minutes to air the episode and they decided to have an intro of 30 seconds and a outro of another 30 seconds. This makes the episode itself to only have 2 minutes instead of 3.

Well, while the music is cool, I don’t really need to hear it twice (it’s the same music for the intro and the outro) in a time space of 3 minutes. Moreover, the outro is way too static and nothing interesting really happens. This way, I would just take out the outro and use a static image with both Holmes and Hudson with their chibi animation saying Tune in Tomorrow or something like that. This way, there will be more or less 27 additional seconds to deliver the joke.

– No “What’s Going To Happen In Next Episode” –

Basically that’s what happens every episode!

Again, you have to deliver a joke or something interesting in about 2 minutes. Feeling that space with what is going to happen in the next episode does not seem to be a good use of the time. Focus on the episode itself, if people want to watch the next episode they will tune in the next day. Moreover, if this is going to be a commercial, then it will appear many times during the day, which means, people will end up watching it nonetheless.

– Go for a Less Random Plot –

Ok… This scene can stay!

As the story goes, it seems that the 12 episodes end up being about solving a really difficult crime which involves a werewolf. However, although it’s cool to watch all the dots being linked in the last episode, during the Anime there’s many episodes that do not seem to have anything to do about solving the crime per sais. This way, I would go for a better conduction of the plot. Let’s say, instead of having an episode where Hudson and Holmes talk about going in a walk (and that’s literally it), throw a werewolf in there and make a funny joke about it.

– Have a Strong PunchLine –

Yeah… Better than this please

Comedy writing is one of the most difficult type of genres to write, at least for me. Nevertheless, I’m gonna try it out and give an example.

Kira, the cat, appears in the house. Holmes makes a party because he was out for a long time. Implies that he had a secret romance while being out and the cat answers it’s a secret – the same the actual episode goes.

However, instead of cutting to Hudson and just kill the joke there, I would go for:

Kira with dreamy eyes. Change the scenery to his thoughts. Kira appears in the Eiffel tower having a really nice dinner with Christina, the landlord. Then in some kind of spring with the Mount Fuji in the background.

Best shipping ever!

You know the landlord at this point and you know she is basically a beast! This way, it would be a fun thing to watch seeing a character that you would never see in a lovely way doing that. It’s random, unexpected and funny!

– Conclusion –

Sort of?

And… That’s it! That’s what I would change in Vampire Holmes to make it better. Would it turn out in the best Anime ever? No! However, at least it would make you giggle from time to time. And, let’s face it, it’s better to see an Anime as a commercial, versus some kind of shampoo commercial or something like that.

Have you ever seen Vampire Holmes? Did you hated as much as I did? Would you watch my improved version of it? ALSO, do you have any kind of horrible Animes suggestions for me to watch and try to improve? Tell me in the comments!

See You Soon! 😀


11 thoughts on “Horrible Anime Quest | How To Make Vampire Holmes Bearable to Watch

  1. You liked 2 episodes of the worst anime you’ve ever seen? Surely theirs got to be an anime you hated every episode of? IDK it just seems weird to me, also being 3 minutes long I would have rated it higher just because it’s over quicker!

    It does sound really bad though and I liked the review. I think a lot of your improvements would work. It’s hard to have a good story in a 3 minute episode show so they are pretty much always comedies or like 100 episodes long like Ninja Girl and Samurai Master and even then they tend to have comedy (and they really need that recap). So comedy really makes or breaks a show like this.

    I’ve also got a bad anime suggestion! CLANNAD, it’s probably the worst anime I’ve ever watched to completion so I know it stays terrible throughout it’s entire run. If not CLANNAD, I’ve heard boku no pico is pretty bad but I’ve not seen it.

    1. If you think 2 episodes are like 2 minutes, you could say I liked 2 minutes of a 12 episode Anime series xD Basically they were able to make me smile once ahah
      And no, I still didn’t get an Anime I didn’t like ANY of the episodes. Maybe I will find one sooner or later though xD

      Thank you! Happy that you think that my improvements would work eheh You’re right, Animes like these can only work if they are funny eheh

      You didn’t like Clannad? Oo Clannad is seen as a good Anime and I ended up liking Clannad after story! Boku No Pico is a good one, but it involves a lot of underage sexual parts. Since one of my rules is not to enter the sexual side of Anime I won’t be doing that one, sorry :S

      1. Yeah that’s true I guess. 2 mins isn’t a lot overall!

        It’s interesting you’ve had that, seems strange to me but I guess it’s actually a good thing!

        No clannad just didn’t work for me and was really annoying to watch. I’m not talking about after story too btw.

        Yeah I get that, didn’t expect you to cover it honestly but thought it might be funny to say!

  2. I tried exactly one episode of this and dropped it. To be honest even with your improvements (and they would improve it), I still don’t think I’d watch this show.

    1. Thank you for thinking it would improve the Anime heheh… And yes, I agree with you, even with improvements it wouldn’t be a GREAT anime to watch.

  3. I’m with Karandi here – there’s a reason I have to reserve single digits for this show and Heybot (even Hand Shakers gets a 13 for effort!)…The thing that annoyed me the most were the actual ads that started and ended the show, although I’ve heard you can find versions of Vampire Holmes videos without the ads attached.

    Even Nobunaga no Shinobi has a next episode segment, although it’s just a non-moving image that appears for a few seconds. I don’t think it would make the show any better by having one of those, though…

    1. Hmmm I think I got one without the ads xD You only have the intro and the outro. damn, watching ads every single time is a BIG NO! The anime is way too small to watch ads before and after it.

      Hmmm, that’s an idea. Although, I think I’m with you… One of the best things the Anime has is to have a decent animation and a somewhat good voice over xD

  4. Bad Anime requests you can fix.

    Maybe is isnt good

    ?Hametsu No Mars, I love mechs tho
    ?Skelter Heaven, again I love mechs tho
    ?Hanoka, Artstyle bad but not that bad
    ?Pupa, Horror, oooh Scary
    ?The Irresponsible Captain Taylor, WHATS WRONG WITH IT.
    ?Wonder Momo, I cant see that as Horrible, fuck those people.
    ?Ladyspo, Literally no movement but why?
    ??‍♂️Boku no Pico, Not really but people saying its digusting.
    ?Forest Fairy Five, Why did you make them talk mature.
    ?Abunai Sisters, Is it really anime because It look more like a mobile game cutscene.

    Definitely isnt good

    ?Utsu Musume Sayori, That one is plain garbage

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