Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai – Is Love Actually a War?

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Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai (Kaguya-sama: Love is War) is another Anime of the Winter Season with a lot of hype. As you already know, I don’t go to hyped Anime shows in a very light manner. When I have so many people selling me a show I expect it to be great. Well, I have to say that, this time, it is not as good as everyone wanted me to believe.

The show is about Miyuki Shirogane, the student council president of Shuchiin Academy and his right arm, Kaguya Shinomiya. Both of them are in love with each other. However, both believe that showing their feelings first is the same as losing. Losing in what you ask? Well, both believe that in a relationship there is always someone who exploits the other. In other words, every relationship is somewhat a masochist one where there is the “leader” and the “follower”.

Nevertheless, Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai (and the first episode) is about the both of them trying to make the other confess by somewhat intelligent back and forward arguments. It’s a different and an original idea. It also gives you some funny moments and the comedy is there. In the end, it can be a good Anime to try out this Winter Season. I wouldn’t say it’s the best airing right now. But, I would say it’s, at least, above average.

It did make me think about my relationship history though. Taking into account all the different relationships I had until this day, I decided to go and try to understand if there is any grain of truth in what Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai is selling.

Is Love Actually War?

When it comes to physical or mental abuse, there is not really much to discuss. It’s plain wrong and the place for the person who is doing it is in jail. There is really no other way to put it! You can bring all the arguments you want, this is one of my ideas that just won’t budge.

However, it is true that all relationships have arguments. In fact, it is healthy for a couple to argue! I mean, if the argument ends up having both people closer and in a place of better understanding between each other. Nevertheless, for the right or the wrong, it’s just impossible to have a relationship without any argument here and there.

I’ve been in a couple of relationships… Ok, maybe more than a couple… And, truth is, the moment the relationship starts to get serious, problems will start to arise. This happens because, at that moment, you are actually wondering if you want to spend all your life with that person or not. I mean, if not, it doesn’t really make sense for you to be in a romantic relationship to start with, right?

So, I had my fair share of arguments. In fact, the person who I am with for almost 6 years is probably the one who I have argued the most. Do you want to know why? Well, because he answers back! Just kidding! It’s because we both answer and want to show we are right. Am I unhappy because of that, actually no! In fact, I’m the happiest I can be and continue to want to have this pain in the arse to live with me until we grow old. If you want to know, our recipe for success it’s basically respect and never go to bed upset with each other.

The Fact Is, In A Relationship, You Will Have Arguments

Even if that is true, does it really mean that you are going to be “at war” with your special person? Well, there are times that may feel like it! Maybe at the beginning where you are fighting about small things that annoy you, no! But, think if you have a different perspective in something life changing? For example, one wanting the kid to be vaccinated and the other not wanting it to… I mean, isn’t it going to be a war? For the relationship to survive, does not one have to give the victory to the other?

So, yes, love can be war sometimes. But, does it always have to be someone who is the leader of the pact? Well, I’ll just give my experience as an example. Until now, every person who I was with has always fallen into the complacent part. Myself, as someone with a strong personality, ended up always “winning” and be considered as the one with reason. Did I always have the reason? Nope. In fact, I think most of the times I didn’t have the reason at all. But, I’m good at arguing and, at that moment, I thought I was the one correct.

So, was I the leader of the pack? Well, I wasn’t aware of that, but maybe? I sure wasn’t exploiting anyone. However, I never was the one giving up first. To be honest, I think that’s why I love my present relationship so much. I actually have to give in and admit loss from time to time which actually shows me that I’m with an intelligent person.

So What Is the Conclusion?

I believe there are many relationships where one of the people is in command. This doesn’t mean it’s a bad relationship or that one of the parties is sad with the life they have. It just means they have different personalities that work with each other. One example of different personalities working well together is introverts and extroverts. In fact, if you think just for a second, they are the perfect match. One prefers to listen while the other prefers to talk.

So, it’s ok to have 2 people where one prefers to delegate and make choices while the other just prefer to follow and not think much about it. I don’t think it will be necessarily unhealthy or an unhappy situation. It will depend on the people involved. For me, for example, it would be impossible to see myself in a subordinate position. It just goes against my way of being and would create harsh problems in my mental stability.

When you do get 2 different people who are both alpha… Well, that’s probably when couples will fight the most. It takes a lot of work to gain a balance. People like this have difficulty in putting the pride aside or giving reason to the other person. But, that does not mean it won’t work. I’m in a relationship like that, and again, I’m the happiest ever.

This is the type of relationship our main characters are in. However, in a completely absurd for the “comedic” factor. I won’t say episode 1 wasn’t funny, because there were some parts that actually put a smile on my face. However, my question is how is Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai be able to exploit this kind of setting for 12-13 episodes without feeling old really soon.